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Tuesday, April 30, 2002
This is an e-mail from my mother sent in response to one of my posts on April 24th and it's comments:
I don't mind being known as short, ugly, or even as a
poor excuse for a horsewoman. But the one thing I
don't want people to think of me as is a handicap or a
stumbling block. I went to my son's web site recently
to find out that he felt I was one of the most
influential persons in his life. What a great honor
parenting is but, also one with an awesome
responsibility. You see, I have spent 48 years trying
to literally survive my parents influence and I would
never want my son to waste his brilliant energy doing
that. He was everything I EVER wanted to be by the
time he was about 12! How could he ever disappoint me
at 19 when he has exceeded my expectations a thousand
fold? Yeah, I wish that the events and externals in
life could turn out the way I wanted but wishing does
not mean that the wish is the best way. So I sit here
trusting that God works everything for the good of
those that love Him and I still wish from time to time
that I would win the lottery!
MOM
| Mr. McBastard | 3:58 PM | | |
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What are the reason's for not cloning humans? I heard a speech someone gave against cloning in general and the only reason she gave for her argument was that it was not natural, not what God intended. Personally, someone's interpretation of what God thinks is not enough reason to oppose a seemingly good thing. The only reason I would be against any kind of cloning is because some fetuses are killed because their stem cells are harvested. Anybody know something I don't?
| Mr. McBastard | 1:15 PM | | |
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Monday, April 29, 2002
I found a Christian tract at my register at work the other day. On one side it had a picture of a c-note, on the other was written:
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WHAT MONEY CAN BUY
Money Will Buy:
A bed BUT NOT sleep.
Books BUT NOT brains.
Food BUT NOT appetite.
Finery BUT NOT beauty.
A house BUT NOT a home.
Medicine BUT NOT health.
Luxuries BUT NOT culture.
Amusement BUT NOT happiness.
A crucifix BUT NOT a Saviour.
A church pew BUT NOT heaven.
What money can't buy, Jesus Christ can give freely without charge. Is He your Lord and Saviour? If not, you can get a new leas on life right now. Confess to God that you have sinned and that you want to turn from your sins to receive Jesus as Lord of your life. Through that step of believing faith you can start life afresh with your sins forgiven and a new life in Christ.
Handwritten across the bottom were the words "John 3:16".
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Is this supposed to help lead someone to God? It makes sense to me, someone who has heard all of the Christian rhetoric and Biblical spoutations (new word, like it?) since childhood. But how much sense does this make to someone who might have never been to church? What does "receive Jesus as Lord of your life" mean, really? Yeah, I've heard it a million times and have done it several times myself, but I'm sure it means absolutely nothing to non-Christians. I think that one of the major problems with Christian outreach and evangelism is apparent through this tract. They speak in words familiar to other Christians but what good does that do for non-believers.
| Mr. McBastard | 2:28 PM | | |
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Friday, April 26, 2002
Tonight
by Ace Troubleshooter
from their self-titled album
Starry, starry night
The silver beams the only light
Summer breeze, summer dreams
Float over me
The stars frame her silhouette
Beauty steals away my breath
The moment will last forever
Forever, forever
There is no time but now
There is nowhere else but here
Time has lost its grip tonight
Beautiful enchantment
I just might hold her, hold her close
Never let her go
The tenderness in her eyes
Her hair is drenched with silver moonlight
Half-spoken thoughts
Forget-me-nots
She's the jewel I've sought
There is no time but now
There is nowhere else but here
When all else is cold
The warmth of holding her near
Tonight the stars in her eyes
Outshine the stars in the sky
Tonight love is in her eyes
I'll hold, hold her close tongiht
| Mr. McBastard | 4:09 PM | | |
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OK, scratch what I said in one of my previos posts. I said that "there has never been a more disgusting display of self-indulgence" in reference to Woody Allen's movies. But I was wrong. Last night at Wal*Mart I was reminded of an even more narsicistic display: O: The Oprah Magazine. On the most recent issue there are 7 -- count them, seven -- pictures of herself on the cover. The damn publication is named after her, she appears on every cover, she writes articles, and many articles are about her and her show! That just seems ludicrous.
That would be like me having a website where all I talk about is myself, my opinions, and what I think; there would be pictures of me on the homepage, and every other page for that matter. It would only be about me, me, me, me, and me.
That would be so lame!
| Mr. McBastard | 2:09 PM | | |
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Wednesday, April 24, 2002
I'm sorry for any damages that I have caused those that have been exposed to the noxious odors of my feet:
TEENS' STINKY FEET CAUSE BRAIN DAMAGE!
CHRISTCHURCH, New Zealand - For the sake of your family's health, beware your teenager's stinky feet.
| Mr. McBastard | 11:59 PM | | |
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Oh man, Woody Allen is making another movie! There has never been a more disgusting display of self-indulgence than this man appearing as a main character in every single one of his own movies. And to make things worse, he usually casts good-looking women in the roles of his girlfriend/wife. Though, I think that can be explained by the fact that his real-life wife/daughter is so very ugly.
| Mr. McBastard | 7:03 PM | | |
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I don't mind being known as a slacker or a loser or immature or even uncool. But the one thing that I don't want people to think of me as is a disappointment. Monday, I went home for a dentist's appoinment. During my brief visit, I talked with my mother about my life, college, and whatever else she could think to ask of me. When we got to the topic of my scholarships, I tried to find a good way to tell her that I will most likely lose mine after this semester. When I told her, she was very good about not verbalizing it, but I could see the disappointment on her face. Disappointing my mother hurt me. My mother is one of the most -- if not the most -- important and influencial person in my life. I wish I was motivated enough to be everything my mother knows I can be. But wishing does absolutely shit in real life, so I sit here wasting my time.
| Mr. McBastard | 4:39 PM | | |
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Tuesday, April 23, 2002
One of my roommates wanted me to make a post about him. So here it is:
Ryan Joseph Douglas Pfaff
There, are you happy now?!
| Mr. McBastard | 3:53 PM | | |
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Friday, April 19, 2002
The object of my envy is Miss HB's website, The Burning Light of Reason. She has a much cooler looking site with fancy server-side php scripting, neato icons, and whatnot. Even her content is more interesting: bits of stories and scripts, interesting song lyrics, and strange current events. No wonder that her site is viewed so much. I am envious and I want my site to be as cool and popular as hers. So, when looking to improve my site, I often look to her site for ideas. But I thought that I should probably start small, not wanting to jump into cool-sited-ness too quickly and get in over my head. So I came across a section of her site called Mumblings. I decided that I could do something like that. And Grumblings was born. Just as Mumblings is a page dedicated to bits of conversations heard by Marie, so too is Grumblings dedicated to complaining and bitching heard by me. Oh yeah, open the flood gates and bring on the massive amounts of unique hits!
| Mr. McBastard | 4:19 PM | | |
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Thursday, April 18, 2002
Does anybody else remember a children's show called Today's Special? I remember watching this show, but I'm not sure how old I was, what network it was on, or what day (weekday or saturday morning). It was a show about a mannaquin that came to life every night when the mall he was in closed down. The cast was made up of the guy who played the mannaquin, a lady (I'm sure why she was in the mall after it closed), a security guard (he was a puppet), and a mouse (who was also a puppet).
I'm not sure why I remember this show. I can't remember any special things that happened on it or any of the plots to any of the episodes. I just thought of it while I was in the shower this morning. I was wondering if anyone else remembered it, too.
Hocus Pocus Alimagocus! I can bend, I can stretch, I can see!
Hey, I just found a website about Today's Special. Apparently, the show didn't take place in a mall, but a store called Today's Special. Also, I found out some stuff about the cast:
- Jeff (the mannequin) didn't come to life until someone said the words "Hocus Pocus Alimagocus" and placed a magical hat on his head, and he would turn back into a mannequin if the hat came off.
- Jodie (the lady I couldn't explain) was a display designer for the store and worked over nights.
- Sam (the security guard puppet) also had a computer TXL that he used to talk to all the time.
- Muffy (the mouse puppet) had a strange affination (obsession, really) for rhyming.
All this information came from the Today's Special Website.
| Mr. McBastard | 5:57 PM | | |
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Wednesday, April 17, 2002
I registered today. Surprisingly I had no trouble what-so-ever with my original schedule plan. That was a relief. Here's my current schedule:
CS250 Systems Programming
MATH263 Analytic Geometry & Calculus II
LATN150 Elementary Latin I
HLTH194 Lifetime Health & Fitness
BIOL100 Biology & Bio Lab
Calc II is going to kick my ass, but I'll try and muddle through it. I almost took PSYC166 General Psychology, but I would have had to rethink my whole schedule, so I opted against it.
I'll have to look into what all the requirements for an English minor are. At the beginning of last semester I changed my minor from Theater to English and haven't thought of it since. Oh well, I can always figure that out next year.
| Mr. McBastard | 4:24 PM | | |
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Tuesday, April 16, 2002
Jimmy Fallon is coming to Truman. I would very much like to go see this young man perform / speak. But I can't. Wanna guess why? Because I have to friggin' work.
I always have to work when cool stuff is going on around me. I haven't had to work for the past two days, but is anything cool going on? No, it's just been two regular, nothing cool is going on days. They haven't been bad days, but nothing super exciting has happened.
So when something comes up and I'm scheduled to work, I think Zach, that's just the responsibility that comes with having a job; buck up and take it. But then I think Wait, there are some things that only come once in a lifetime, like enjoying my youth. I'm going to be working for the rest of my life (only if I have to) so why should I waste time working when I could be having a little fun? So again, Wal*Mart will take a backseat to my desires. Jimmy Fallon, I'll be looking forward to seeing you.
| Mr. McBastard | 6:58 PM | | |
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Monday, April 15, 2002
And now it's 7:00pm and I'm still up. I'm really pumped up now. Mel, Nicole, Marie, and I just got inside from bothering a turtle in the creek behind Centennial Hall. It had a long pointy tail with ridges, a pointy nose, and it was about a foot long; my guess was that is was a snapping turtle. I could have sworn that I saw it move when they started poking with a stick, however, they didn't care because they insisted it was dead.
They informed me that it was my duty as the guy in the group to reach in and get it. I wasn't about to reach my hand in some murky creek water, especially if there was a slight chance that it was alive. I happen to like all my fingers, thank you. Well, after about ten minutes of poking it with a stick and a wooden spoon (Nicole's idea) I found a nasty piece of re-bar that they could use to pry it up. Mel slid the hooked piece of metal under the turtle and began to pull it out when it finally got so pissed off that it jumped part-way out of the water. We all took a step back, but it was most enjoyable to see Mel and Marie, the main propponents of the "Zach, stick your hand in and get it, it's only a dead turtle" movement, scream like nancies. I like I told you sos.
| Mr. McBastard | 7:23 PM | | |
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So I stayed up all lats night. At 11:00am it will have been 24 hours of eyes-wide-open non-awakeness. Haven't done that in a while. Should I go for 48 hours? Right now I'm not feeling too bad, I think I could stay up another day.
| Mr. McBastard | 9:42 AM | | |
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Friday, April 12, 2002
Anti-Harry Potter
This really belongs on Ryan's Two Dollar Prayer Blog, but I thought this to be extremely . . . something (maddening, embarassing, confusing?). An article from this website http://www.crossroad.to/ was sent to me by my friend Kyle. I read the essay and was so interested that I read more and more, mostly the ones pertaining to Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings.
My first criticism of these articles is that the author never definitively states why ideas and themes present in Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings series are wrong. He simply says that they are evil and expects you to see things his way. The only assertion he makes is that fantasy stories will change the way you think. But if things that change the way a person thinks are evil, if changing what you believe is evil and stagnation is the ideal, then learning is a sin; problem-solving is a sin; thinking itself is a sin. I refuse to believe that changing and bettering oneself via exposure to different and diverse ideas is a sin in God's eye.
Besides this, the evidence (almost completely scriptural references) the author uses to back up his opinions are almost always out of context. However, this is a problem that faces most anti-anything Christian propaganda. It is much easier to just say that the Bible agrees with what you think than to actually prove it. And most Christians just eat it up if you spout off a book, chapter, and verse number. But I choose to believe that the book itself is true, not other's interpretations of it, especially not anti-imagination Christian fanatics.
| Mr. McBastard | 3:54 PM | | |
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Tuesday, April 09, 2002
I've recently reminded myself of a secret, personal past that I've never really bothered to share with anyone. I wrote this about my memories:
untitled
A numbing haze hangs over all.
A flickering shadow on the wall
Like a figurine that is back-lit by a spark
You find it's easier on your back
When the world around is tinted black
But Morning is lighting your sanctuary, dark.
And it's hard to get out of bed
When the voice inside your head
Is telling you there's nothing to live for today.
Motivation is wearing thin,
Sinking further down and further in
To a white inside that is quickly turning grey.
The shower walls are falling down.
They crumble on your lathered crown.
Self-hatred and fear form a thin filmy coat.
Friction; scrub and cleanse the skin
But oily loathing seeps within
Your system clogged from daily dust and mote.
| Mr. McBastard | 12:28 AM | | |
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The hardest questions to ask are of yourself, especially when they pertain the foundation of your beliefs.
Seek and You Will Find
You weren't in the box in which I'd placed You.
You weren't under the rug where I had swept my faith in my religion.
Omniscient, all-loving, beginning and the end,
Of all the things You are, you certainly aren't convenient.
Or maybe "seek and you will find" isn't the same as
Question and you will see the answers.
The answers I find are limited to what I know:
Reason without direction, wisdom without application.
Where did You go when I turned my back on you?
Or are You still waiting for me turn around?
Don't hold Your breath. I didn't
When I jumped into the ocean of independent thinking.
| Mr. McBastard | 12:17 PM | | |
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Thursday, April 04, 2002
Unjournalistically ripped from The Onion without permission:
Nation's Deans Meet To Discuss Problem Of College Girls Going Wild
GAINESVILLE, FL— Calling the trend "a black mark on academia," deans from more than 300 U.S. colleges converged on the University of Florida campus to address the growing problem of out-of-control, sexy sorority sweethearts baring it all for the cameras. "In recent years, a number of filmmakers have brought to light the shocking antics of hot young girls from the wildest party schools," said Tulane University dean of students Dr. Anderson Brand. "We must take appropriate action to address this wild, uncensored revelry." Brandishing one of the mail-order videotapes, University of Connecticut dean Charles Burton said, "I could not believe what happened when those crazy co-eds got back to their hotel rooms. Nor, I suspect, could anyone."
| Mr. McBastard | 4:22 PM | | |
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I have created a page devoted to beauty and all things with jiggly boobs. It is my Hotties Page. **angels singing** The pictures in this ode to hottness are taken from my expansive library of photographs of women that I have amassed from countless hours of scouring the internet using multiple search engines simultaneously. Mind you, this is only a very, very, very small sampling of the nearly 1200 pictures of scantily clad women I posses. Yes, I am that pathetic. But nevermind me, this Hottie Page is here for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!
| Mr. McBastard | 3:43 PM | | |
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Monday, April 01, 2002
This post is also derived from the time I have recently spent at my place of employment: Wal*Mart. I am amazed at the amount of Wal*Mart patrons that cannot operate a pen. Several times today (and previous days, as well) I stood there, staring at some dumb shmuck, watching him struggle with the pen I gave him to sign his check. I watched one man look my pen over for nearly half a minute before he finally asked me how to work it. I simply replied, "You push the end," not know how else to describe the complex series of events that must occur before using a ball-point pen.
"Maybe you just have a difficult pen," you might say in defense of these fuck nuts. But I assure you, my pen is of simple design: It is a mechanical pen that has a "button" on one end that makes the tip protrude out of the opposite end. It is what Mel described as a "clicky-pen." As far as I know these such pens have been around for quite some time, long before I came into existence. It was one of the first deviants of the quill pen (after the pen-and-cap pens) and most likely the first style of the mechanical pens. There are other much more difficult mechanical pens out there. There are the ones that have the "clicky" part near the head of the pen, ones that have multiple tubes of color ink inside (thus more "clickies"), and perhaps the most tricky pen of them all: the pen-that-looks-like-it-has-a-cap-but-you-actually-have-to-twist-it-to-get-the-tip-to-come-out style pen. Boy, now if I'd had one of those I could understand this guy asking me how to work my pen.
After he left, I got to thinking about these types of people, the type that can't work a simple mechanism such as a pen. How do they operate a vehicle? A car has many, many more "clickies" and levers and buttons and knobs than a simple pen. Can this man operate such a complicate piece of machinery?
But while I'm chiding this man for being a complete and utter moron, I should be praising him. It takes balls to admit to someone that you are so incredibly stupid that you can't even operate a writing utensil. Asking me how to work my pen took courage and I applaud that man. *clap, clap* That's me giving you a round of applause, dip shit.
| Mr. McBastard | 4:14 AM | | |
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