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Friday, December 06, 2002
The Straw:
Mommy: It's obvious that this is just not a good stage for me and my kids...I'm sure it will pass...I hope... 
Mommy: A few months ago, I was sharing with a friend of Zach's how I felt that I was a failure as a mother...much to my surprise thier reply was...
Mommy: "Oh no, Mrs. T, you're a good mother. You just have kids that treat you like shit." Interesting perception from an outsider.
Mommy: Well, I suppose if they treat me like poop that's because I've allowed them too...the fault is mine.
Mommy: I feel like I'm on the threshold of crisis...and that's always an indicator-time to do something different...
Mommy: The straw that broke the camels back...how much $$ or time would it have cost to type these 3 words in a message dated 11/20...Happy Birthday Mom!
The Camel's Back:
I'm sorry I forgot your birthday. I'm sorry I'm a bad son. I'm sorry I don't say I'm sorry enough. I'm sorry, but I can't go back in fucking time to November 20th to tell you Happy Birthday. And if I could go back in time, I would go back to when you thought the world of me, because I can hardly stand the look of disappointment and displeasure in your eyes. I know it's disappointment, because I see that same look in the mirror everyday. It's hard enough as it is convincing myself that I'm a worthwhile human being.
Why did you let me treat you like shit? Why did you let me listen in awe to your wisdom and judgements? Why did you let me respect your every decision? Why did you let me tell you at every damn opportunity I could find that you are the most important and influencial person in my life?
Putting all sarcasm aside for the moment, I'm tired of feeling like shit, too. I'm tired of inadiquacy. I'm tired of not living up to other people's standards. But most of all, I'm tired of feeling bad about this post.
| Mr. McBastard | 1:31 PM | | |
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