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Sunday, July 21, 2002
I went to my friend Michael's wedding yesterday. It was a beautiful ceremony -- a small church packed with friends and relatives. The bride laughed and the groom cried. These two havn't know eachother for a year yet, so it came as a surprise to me that they would get married. And I would have loved to have speculated on the length and quality of their marriage, but after seeing their faces as they walked hand in hand down the aisle, I know that they will always enjoy and adore eachother.
Attending this wedding and seeing one of my friends and peers make such a commitment makes me wonder if I'll ever even get married. I feel that I could never maintain a long relationship. In fact, the most recent relationship I've had lasted for two months, and I was fine with that. It was a month longer than I expected it to last! It's not that don't want to tie myself down or anything, I am far from a ladies man, or a "player" as the kids are calling them nowadays. I just don't seem to have the time -- or the patience -- to work on such an endeaver. Or maybe it's just that I don't care to take the time. After all, I am still much the kid I was in fifth grade who didn't really understand why all the other guys in his grade had, in the span of a year, quit hating girls because they had cooties, and had started asking them out to the movies. I still am intimidated by girls; I constantly wear a shirt claiming that "Girls Are Mean." I even still refer to women as "girls."
But beyond this immaturity, there is a cacophony of questions being asked of myself: What do I have to offer in a relationship? What am I willing to give up for a relationship? What am I willing to tolerate for a relationship? How do I start, and if need be, how do I end a relationship? How much time must I devote to my partner? How much should I expect of my partner? What type of person will I want my partner to be? What type of person won't I want my partner to be?
These questions and more answered . . . well, sooner than later, I hope! After all, I would like to get married some time between next week and before I die. Until then, I'll be contemplating my answers.
| Mr. McBastard | 3:06 AM | | |
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